A Year of Marriage

Time is still weird.

While most of the world has gone back to "normalish" - there is still a pandemic going on and we are all taking precautions where we can to minimize the spread.

So, it's been a strange first year as a married couple (albeit wonderful).

We got engaged in June 2020 and married in the courthouse October 2021. We were lucky enough to have a small reception with family and friends in the backyard of JVE's childhood home, which my two amazing friends (Bri and Alii) and my MiL put together. Still just blown away by the attention to detail and generosity.

After that - it was a done deal! The day after our wedding, we sorted, cleaned, ate leftovers and we all (kids, us and dogs) piled on the couch and watched movies. Something we love to do on lazy weekends.

We had planned to do a larger wedding, but the infection numbers were so all over the place. It felt like it'd take years and we wanted to just move on. S

Now that I have been someone's wife for the last 365 days - I feel compelled to reflect on how it has shaped myself, our relationship and the dynamic of our family.

US

I asked JVE what his thoughts were and how he felt that things were in the last year. He said it was hard to believe a year had gone by so fast and that he felt a collective ease in our immediate family. That while we've been a unit for a while that this "leveled up" everything. We move in tandem with one another and communicate often to check in on how we are doing vis a vis family, us, work and external stressors. All family decisions are made together and we truly respect each other's decisions and thoughts. It certainly wasn't a traditional first year - we already had a house, three kids, dogs and a life together...but it was perfect for us.

--

The Family

I now know, more than ever, I do not want biological children. Not that my stepkids have ruined the experience for me and I want nothing to do with kids...quite the opposite - my life is so full and enriched by them, any slim desire I had for kids going into this relationship 4.5 years ago has dwindled.

I get to be a cheerleader for these three amazing kids and help support their dad in raising them. As someone who loves a big raucous family, this blended family dynamic has proved to be so fruitful. There are challenges and frustrations, but overall - we make it work and we have all made it into a well-oiled machine. I love that we are able to have joint birthday dinners with the girl's mom and husband and their parents and JVE's parents and everyone is having a great time and it's relaxed and easy. During the past year we hit our stride as a family and I can only see it only getting better from here.

--

Me

I still have imposter syndrome with everything. While I am way beyond my twenties, I still feel mentally there sometimes. So being married, managing school items and helping with kids all sometimes feels so foreign, or that someone is going to look at me in the school pickup line and say...."hmmmm are you supposed to be here?" Even when the majority of the other parents in the pick up line are my age. I feel a lot happier...and that's not because I "got hitched." I hit a stride in my life with the help of my partner, family, career and goooooooood therapy to identify the "gotchas" in my life and how to approach the waves of anxiety that come crashing in at any given moment. I feel more empowered now to say, "I need a break." or "this is not okay for me or our unit."

--

So much has happened in the last year and I'm really excited to see what happens next. But, for now - going to enjoy heading into the holiday season with this ragtag group of meatballs and look forward to the seasons changing.